Communication

A couple of weeks back I stumbled upon an article on Pinterest entitled 10 Things that have made all the difference. It came from a blog written by a husband and wife called Today's love letters. In reading the article they were reflecting on their 5 year anniversary, and as a result came up with this list of 10 things that have improved their marriage. Under 1 of they headings they stated that the first 2 years of their marriage that they struggled to feel loved by one another because they didnt know how to communicate their needs, because of that they came up with 5 questions that they now ask each other every Sunday no matter what, and that it has made all the difference in the world. Here are the 5 questions:

1. How did you feel loved this past week?
2. What does your upcoming week look like?
3. How would you feel most loved and encouraged in the days ahead?
4. How would you best feel pursued in sex/ intimacy this week?
5. How can I pray for you this week?

 I thought that this was a pretty neat idea at least to try and see how it works in your relationship. Lets face it, in most relationships are lacking in communication in some form. It is always great to get ideas from other couples to see how they deal with various issues. In addition to this couple asking the 5 questions above, they also stated that they interview each other all the time, because no matter how long you have been with someone you will never know everything about them. Here is a link to check out the entire article, http://www.todaysletters.com/2010/05/10-things-that-have-made-all-difference.html?m=1 ... Enjoy!!!

Signed
B' a Lady

Long Distance...Hmmm

An age old question… Do you think that long distance relationships can work? This is my take you, can agree or disagree but I would love to hear your opinions either way on the subject. I honestly do believe that they can, If and only if both parties are willing participants in making it work.  Now I do not think that you can be long distance for an extreme amount of time. There has to be some effort to end up in the same place at some point in time. For me a year is the max, maybe ill stretch it to a year and a half with frequent visits. I have been in a committed relationship for many years, the year that we met each other during our “getting to know you period” we were in the same city for about 4 months, he then moved away and we were long distance for about a year before he returned. It definitely wasn’t easy to keep it together especially since the relationship was so new, but we maintained with a LOT of hard work. A few years later he left again to pursue another endeavor in his life, this time much much further, a tad bit longer, and with less visits. During this time I think we both realized that communication and trust is K-E-Y! I know it sounds a bit cliché but without both of those factors any relationship long distance or not is bound to fail. What I also think is seriously needed is a plan. There needs to be some sense of stability, and a common goal that a couple is working toward whether it is marriage, creating a home environment, or even just discussing future goals together and how you intend to execute them. Without a plan you will just be wandering aimlessly, not knowing where you’re headed, and that could be detrimental. Think about your life outside of a relationship, no one is just living to be living; we are all living working toward a goal, so a relationship in any stage shouldn’t be any different. This is all easier said than done, ill quote the singer/songwriter Ne-Yo here and say “…it won’t always be kisses, hugs, and beautiful words.”  But if you are truly committed and willing to put in the work, there is no doubt your relationship will last!

Recap: Trust, Communication, Stability, Plan

I Looove Him!

Question: Why is it that women are so quick to call their gyrlfriends and tell them about the latest drama that is going on with them and their man? "Gyrl you wont believe what this clown just did." "Ugh, he makes me sooo mad." "Well, we're not talking again."

But when he does something sweet, anything from a small gesture to a large surprise, we keep that bit of information to ourselves, not purposely its just how we operate. I know we need that person to vent to when we are angry, but have you ever thought about the kind of image you are creating in the minds of your gyrlfriends about your man and your relationship? My mom always told me that there are some things you just keep to yourself (I had to learn this the hard way), but sometimes a gyrl has just got to woosah! However, I propose this; the next time you decide to share a story of "You wont believe what happened now!"  Say something about your boo that you absolutely love. Something cute he did for you, something nice he may have said, or just why you loooove him! I'll start, I loooove my dearest because everyday he makes me feel like I am the most beautiful gyrl in the world! Now it's your turn, Ready, Set.... GO!

80/20 Just a Theory

My cousin the non-self proclaimed "family therapist" stopped by to visit with me not to long ago. It was an interesting visit because my ENTIRE family goes to her with every single problem or dilemma going on in their lives. She just has this natural ability to see straight through whatever your situation is and has always given great advice. So this visit was interesting because she was now venting to me and not the other way around. We discussed the usual...Relationships, how silly men are and fabulous women are :-) So she vented and as she spoke I threw in a few similar stories and this is how she summed up our conversation with the 80/20 rule... She said that 80% of the brain of every single man that exists on earth is just alike. They think the same way, analyze things the same way, process things the same way, they may as well all be identical twins. But, the 20% thats left is the part that women fall in love with, thats what makes your man stand alone. Thats the part that we cling to and yearn for. That 20% is where the happy, thoughtful, loving, moments come from. She said, then you sit back, think about it, and you say to yourself, self? do you really want to put up with 80/20 and is 20% really all that I get.  She then states that technically women do not need men we choose to be with a man because we LOOOOOVVVEEE that 20% and when its good it is definitely good. Now this made so much sense, although I dont think that the 80/20 is a number thats dipped in gold, some may be able to adjust the numbers a little bit and if my booski is reading this dearest you are 20/80 (lol). But during girl talk dont you notice that a lot of the stories your friends are sharing seem like your girls are talking about your man? Saying some of the same exact things that your boo said to you during an argument. So I must say while I may not completely agree with the numbers I totally agree with the theory.... Men are from Mars!!! LOL Just some food for thought. What do you think?? 

A Wise Gyrl... Really??

I recently read this quote by Marilyn Monroe and was somewhat disturbed by it..."A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." I guess it can be understandable but I think its rather sad. Can you ever truly be happy in life  or relationships walking around with a guard up like that? In this life we all want to be loved, we want to find that special someone who loves us unconditionally and live happily ever after. Love and Relationships are by no means easy, it takes hard work, and sometimes takes going through a few paupers to find that happiness, but dont let those few duds make you completely give up on finding true love. Its those bad relationships that you grow from and learn what you want in a potential mate, and what you simply will not tolerate. Love can be scary, and a total emotional roller-coaster, but when you are able to love someone wholeheartedly with no hang ups or inhibitions it is one of the greatest feelings in the world. So I will leave you with some words to live by, mix a little Marilyn with Mark Twain "A wise gyrl enjoys life, sings like nobody is listening, dances like nobody is watching,  loves like she has NEVER been hurt, and lives like its heaven on earth." Don't be like Marilyn and run from love, Love until you can hardly stand it!